I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
