I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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