let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
