Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
