I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
