i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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