You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
