I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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