I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
