dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
