I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
