I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Randomize
