I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
