"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
