he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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