Duck Duck Cougar?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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