We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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