She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
