Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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