You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
