If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
