I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
