I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
