sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
