mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
