Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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