The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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