so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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