Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The struggles of a small town man whore
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
