Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
