At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
