why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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