Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
