take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
