He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Holy sore nipples Batman
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
