He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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