Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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