I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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