just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
