I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
