thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
