it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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