I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
