Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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