I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
