I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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