So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
