That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
