did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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