I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
