Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I cannot find my penis.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
