You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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